In every company I’ve worked so far there was a minority of people pushing things forward and a majority – the rest of the crew, expressing their wonder: What the hell do they want?
There is a way to survive corporate environment without significant consequences and live a relatively peaceful live. The lucky ones can even be happy while doing it.
Here is my list of 9 things that you should or should not practice in order to live a peaceful office life. It lacks the obvious ones like “don’t sleep with your boss’s wife” or “don’t use drugs in the office space”…
- Don’t force any change or even ask for a change. Bad coffee machine? Still makes good enough coffee. You will find a better one on your way home in Starbucks where they even write your name on a cup.
- Always get along well with your colleagues from administration and finance. They can be very helpful. But they can also make your life miserable if they want. And they gossip the most.
- Never give any negative feedback to anyone. Even if the company claims that they want to nurture open communication – don’t do it! The more one company insist in open and honest communication when it comes to their internal engagement campaigns, the less open and honest opinions they want to hear.
- Do not solve other people’s problems. Even if they look like they really need some help. Mind your own business.
- Use buzzwords that senior management is using at the moment. But be careful to change them when they become outdated and replace them with new ones. Or when senior management finally changes because using those buzz words was the only thing they did well.
- Fake happiness. Happiness is the most important thing now, so you have to be happy. If you are not happy your superiors might think that they’re doing something wrong and they might fire you.
- Have an opinion but never fight for it too hard. And always be sure that your opinion is presented in two totally opposite directions. So, when someone disagrees with you , you can say: Yes, that’s exactly what I thought, I just put it in the wrong way…
- Learn how to say: Yes, I agree with you… And then say something totally opposite. This has to be practiced to perfection and you have to make it look very natural, otherwise the people around you might get upset.
- If you figure out that you are significantly better than average find a way to hide it. Otherwise you will encounter many problems… The best way to hide it is to put number 5. from this list in action
If you manage to adopt these 9 rules and practice them in your everyday office life you might end up having a very nice, long career in a big corporation and even receive a very good salary. You will be highly valued by your colleagues and during those big office storms you will survive. Will you feel miserable because of this? Well, depends on your character. If not, I suggest you block this blog forever because this is a blog about improvement and transition.
It might also happen that you start talking, acting and fighting much more in the world outside of the office. That can have significant influence on your personal life. Accumulated frustration is dangerous. Sometimes it’s the easiest way to start drinking.
Recommendation for today’s drink is some kind of a strong fruit brandy. Apricot or plum I suggest. Cheers!