How to Eat at the Movies

The only place where I free myself from any dignity is at the Movies. The darkness of the cinema theater makes me forget about everything I learned from my parents and throughout school years. I speak out loud, I laugh when nothing is funny, a put my legs up on the seat in front of me, I illegally take photos of the movie screen, take selfies, and boy do I eat like there is no tomorrow.

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We all know it’s forbidden to bring food and beverages into the theater if it’s bought outside.

Anyway… I have my ways of feasting at the movies.

Popcorn. Symbol of a casual eat at the movies. What do you think about the price?In Serbia, large popcorn basket (for two persons) is around 50% of a movie ticket. The way I see it, there is Hollywood industry and there is Popcorn sub-mafia. Just the thought that I pay for the magnificent Interstellar 3D ride through wormholes (while discovering that love is another dimension) just 4 times more than the popcorn basket, makes me think about the ways of civilization. I’m sure there is some kind of producers/distributers/cinemas/popcorn equation…

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I’m a huge popcorn fan but the cinemas are trying too hard to make us feel thirsty using enormous amount of salt. And they just have this industrial feel. I’m also known for bringing popcorn from my favorite popcorn chain, which is a couple of miles away. It’s all about the good organization.

The most important thing is the bag. When you have a large bag, no one will suspect that you are a smuggler.

I use Marc by Marc Jacobs pretty nylon tote bag for this purpose. It’s large enough for hiding secret stuff, and has two compartments for beverages (like a fashion fridge). I have a summer and a winter option.

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From food court I usually choose these: from McDonald’s Chicken nuggets, user friendly, 6 pieces. True, it doesn’t last for long but it’s a good mix-it-up with something. French fries are the best but they are smelly so this I recommend for early afternoon and non-weekend projections. Sometimes, I even eat a small cheeseburger. A cheeseburger is the most compact item. Almost like finger food. As for sweets I take chocolate milkshake or double topping ice cream. They both perfectly fit in the beverage compound next to the seat.

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For a healthier option I go with chia yogurt fruit delight from fresh juice bar or exotic taste sorbet.

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Drinks, I’m a water person. I always buy some at a convenience store for a regular market price. I don’t even care if I overdo it. I’m not embarrassed going to… powder my nose… in the middle of the movie. Just wait for a boring scene… usually right after a big action part or during some long romantic scene when two people are in a club, having a drink or two, exploring some options for the evening.

How to get in with all that illegal stuff.

As I pointed earlier, use Marc Jacobs (or similar) bag. Just act casual, talk to a friend as you are giving away your tickets at the entrance. If you’re not a teen nobody will be interested in your behavior. People are just naturally embarrassed getting through other people personal belongings. Especially if you are a lady.

There is this moment, at the end of the movie, where we are expected to throw our garbage at the exit. Lights are on, I’m directly exposed, eye to eye with a young janitor in front of a large garbage can. Holding a huge pile of branded papers and plastics from different mall areas. Look at all the illegal objects I ate.

At this point, I just don’t give any damns. I’m tired of hiding, of scheming. Remember when Somerset and Mills returned to the police station, when Doe turned himself in, covered in blood?

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That’s me. I did what I did. It had to be done. And I’ll do it again.

Janitors eventually don’t care about any of this. They are like whatever.

 

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